Ethney Gentry was thrilled to have infiltrated the ultimate good old boy network, landing a job…

Ethney Gentry was thrilled to have
infiltrated the ultimate good old boy network, landing a job with a mid-size,
Tulsabased oil company. Armed with solid credentials and what she considered
the strengths of female leadershiplistening, collaboration, consensus
building, and organizationshe looked forward to her first meeting with the
companys first female manager, Alexis Bale, who was about to retire. Alexis
offered a firm, almost painful, handshake and a cup of coffee. Ive been
looking forward to meeting you, Alexis, Ethney said. Its Alex. Oh, I
didnt know. Ethney took a sip

Ethney Gentry was thrilled to have
infiltrated the ultimate good old boy network, landing a job with a mid-size,
Tulsabased oil company. Armed with solid credentials and what she considered
the strengths of female leadershiplistening, collaboration, consensus
building, and organizationshe looked forward to her first meeting with the
companys first female manager, Alexis Bale, who was about to retire. Alexis
offered a firm, almost painful, handshake and a cup of coffee. Ive been
looking forward to meeting you, Alexis, Ethney said. Its Alex. Oh, I
didnt know. Ethney took a sip of piping hot coffee with a sudden vague
feeling of discomfort. The first moments of this much-anticipated meeting
seemed awkward and somewhat strained. Ill be honest with you, Alex said as
she walked around and sat in the oversized chair behind her desk. Youre here
for the same reason I was here. When our founder, Champ Luman, died 12 years ago,
his three middle-aged daughters, referred to throughout the company as the
girls, became major shareholders. They pushed hard for the inclusion of a woman
in management. That was me. Now its you. Ethney tried to show no reaction as
she set her cup on the desk. Are you implying that I was selected over more
qualified male candidates? No. I was not on the selection team. Ive seen
your r_m_nd you are an excellent addition to the organization. But
qualifications aside, you and I fulfill, shall we say the diversity
requirements for an otherwise all-male club. Ethney could not believe the
undisguised cynicism of the woman across the desk. She was torn between a
desire to get up and march out of the office and a desire to stay and hear the
entire lecture. She decided to take the high road. My understanding was that
you have been very successful here, she said. I suppose so. Alex gazed up at
the numerous photographs showing oil rigs scattered across the Oklahoma plains.
I learned to play the game, she said somewhat wistfully. Then she suddenly
turned and looked at Ethney. Im not trying to intimidate you. But I think
that coming in, you should understand some things. Such as? Such as . . .
dont be too eager with your ideas or opinions. When I started, I intended to
jump right in and contribute. The men resented it. I was considered a pushy
broad, as one gentleman told me to my face. The reaction to me was harsh. They
may have been stuck with me, but these guys could marginalize me; make sure I
didnt count, and make sure I knew it. What did you do? I stewed awhile and
finally tried the opposite tactic. I jumped up to get coffee for everyone. I
sought the wise counsel of their opinions before daring to make a suggestion in
meetings. I played the female image that was in their minds. I felt like an
idiot. I kowtowed til I thought I would throw up. How did they react? I
was no longer marginalized. But I wasnt respected either. I had quietly
stepped back and accepted my place. Why didnt you just quit? Because I
knew thats exactly what they wanted me to do. And Im just mean enough and
stubborn enough not to give them what they wanted. Ethney took a deep breath
and shook her head. This sounds like Mad Men in the 1950s. I cant believe men
in management act like this. Uh-huh. It may be a little better now, but they
are still throwbacks to Mad Men. So how did you develop this reputation for
success if you went from being ignored to being a doormat? Have you met Bill
Ledson? Ethney nodded, took a sip of coffee and leaned forward, waiting to
hear the secret of success. At an industry meeting in Houston, his wife,
Margaret, got drunk, cornered me, and drawled, Listen, Honey. Ive been around
oil men all my life. My daddy and his daddy were oil men. Youre going to have
to wise up and take the plungebecome one of the boys. Its the onlyway
youll ever be accepted. She reminded me that Im on their turf. Margaret told
me, Honey, as a wife and hostess for this crowd, Ive talked more football
than you can imagine. I hate football. I hang on for the commercials. But they
dont know that. Bill doesnt know that. Me and Godwere the only ones who
know that. Trust me, she said. These guys do get down to some serious
business, but not until they grouse about how Oklahoma State was robbed of its
chance to play LSU for the national championship. Isnt that trivializing
the men in this company? Ethney asked. Alex shrugged. It worked. I became
Alex, and I became one of the guys. And, over time, I came to be treated with
grudging respect, and promotions followed. I held the room spellbound for 15
minutes at the last board meeting with my theory that Texas A&M joined the
Southeastern Conference in order to up their chances for better bowls because
the BCS favors the SEC. Later, when I submitted my ideas for improving the
coordination of teams in the oil fields, they thought it was brilliant! Im one
of them! Etheny nodded, somewhat impressed. Take my advice. Change your name.
Ethney is too girly. Whats your middle name? Madison. Be Madison. Alex
walked Ethney to the door and shook her hand. The meeting was over. As the door
closed behind her, Ethneys feelings about what she had just heard ranged from
bewilderment to anger to depression. She sold out. All of these women sold
out. They cant even be who they are. I am an experienced, educated, qualified,
capable woman. I dont want to be Madison, Ethney thought confidently and
pushed the elevator button. The elevator opened and she stepped inside. What
have I gotten myself into?