Activity Two: Love languages

First, watch the videos about the love languages: https://www.5lovelanguages.com/learn
Now that we have an understanding of the 5 Love Languages, we can put our knowledge to good use. This assignment is asking you to consider the love language of someone with whom you interact and care about (e.g., spouse, child [ages 5 and up only please], significant other, best friend, parent/guardian, close relative, roommate, etc.) and use that knowledge to interact with them for a total of five (5) days.
 
For this assignment you will write a 500-700 word essay about your personal experience with learning about and using love languages. First you will do some research by reading 2  SCHOLARLY sources beyond the book. This will serve as the introduction to your essay (see step One).  Then you will ask a person of your choice to complete the love language quiz (Step Two). Then for 5 days you keep a log of how you communicate with this person (Steps 3, 4 5). In the body of your essay you will tell me who the person you chose is, their relationship to you, why you chose this person and their 2 love languages in 1-2 sentences. After which you will in 2-3 pages describe how you used these love languages to communicate with the person for 5 days (step 6).
 
What to do step by step:

First read what our textbook has to say about Gary Chapman’s love languages, then find 2 scholarly peer reviewed articles about “love languages”. As you read these articles try to answer the following questions: how did the authors conduct the research to test love languages? What were the significant findings? Who were the participants in these studies? What did you learn from these readings And how are the results relevant to you and your relationships? The answers to these questions will be your introduction to your essay. This should be half a page to one page double spaced.
Pick a person you wish to “analyze” for this assignment.

Have this person complete the Love Languages Quiz if they ask why, tell them it was part of you assignment, do not tell them how you will use these results beyond that. Here is the link for the quiz: https://www.5lovelanguages.com/ (Links to an external site.)
Record the scores of the quiz down

Read through “5 Love Languages: Helpful Hints” (under the instructions)
Now that you know what this person’s primary love languages are, you are to come up with different ways you can “serve” them over a five day period.

 
Example: Your partner’s top two love languages are words of affirmation and acts of service. Every day for five days you decide to say encouraging things to your SO such as “I really appreciate it when you wash the dishes.  Thanks so much.”  Or “Do you know how awesome you are?  Well you are.” Or “I love you so much.  Thanks for all you do.” You also decide that you will cook the dinner one night so s/he doesn’t have to or sweep the kitchen floor, take out the trash, do the dishes, etc. without being asked to do it. 
 

“Serve” this person for five (4) days WITHOUT telling them what you are doing.

Keep a log of each of the five days. The log should include:

The date
Description of the specific way you “served” this person.

Provide the Love Language that this “service” falls under.

Be sure to notice the reaction of this person (i.e., words they say, body language, nonverbal behavior, attitude, etc.).

You will submit this log as part of the assignment.

After the five days, I want you to read through your log and now reflect and answer the following questions in typed-written, double-spaced, Times New Roman format:

In what ways did doing these little “services” for this person change the nature of your relationship, if any? In other words, did you notice any shifts in attitude from day one to day five?

Did this individual change the way in which they behave and interact with you (after these five days)? If so, explain.

After spending five days consciously thinking about ways to “give” this person what they desire in their love language, how do you feel about this relationship?

Has it changed how you think about interacting with this individual? If so, in what ways?  If not, why not?

After experimenting with these Love Languages over the last five days, do you believe that there is truth behind the idea that people speak different languages when giving and receiving love? Why or why not?
Will you (or did you already) tell this person about this assignment and what you did? Why or why not?
Do you plan on paying more attention to this person (and others’) love languages in the future? If so, in what ways?

Turn into me before the deadline, your five day log AND the answers to all of the questions listed under number 6.

 
 
 
5 Love Languages: Helpful Tips
Words of AffirmationActions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.*
Verbal compliments or words of appreciation are powerful communicators of love.Encouraging words: “Encourage” means “to inspire courage”. All of us have areas in which we feel insecure. We lack courage, which often hinders us from accomplishing the positive things that we would like to do. Perhaps your partner has untapped potential in one or more areas of life. That potential may be awaiting encouraging words from you.
Kind words: If we’re to communicate love verbally, we must use kind words. That has to do with the way we speak. The statement “I love you”, when said with kindness and tenderness, can be a genuine expression of love.
Humble words: Love makes requests, not demands. If we’re to develop an intimate relationship (Links to an external site.), we need to know each other’s desires. If we make our needs known in the form of a request, we’re giving guidance, not ultimatums.
If this is your partner’s love language: Set a goal to give him/her a different compliment every day.
GiftsDon’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts (Links to an external site.) thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift (Links to an external site.). If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.*
Almost everything ever written on the subject of love indicates that at the heart of love is the spirit of giving. All five love languages challenge us to give to our partner, but for some, receiving gifts, visible symbols of love, speaks the loudest. A gift is something you can hold in your hand and say, “Look, he was thinking of me,” or, “She remembered me.” A gift is a symbol of that thought. Gifts come in all sizes, colors and shapes. Some are expensive and others are free. To the individual whose primary love language is receiving gifts, the cost will matter little. 
There is also an intangible gift that can speak more loudly than something that can be held in one’s hand. Physical presence in the time of crisis is the most powerful gift you can give. Your body (Links to an external site.) becomes the symbol of your love.
If this is your partner’s love language: Keep a “gift idea” notebook. Every time you hear him/her say, “I really like that,” write it down. Select gifts you feel comfortable purchasing, making or finding, and don’t wait for a special occasion. Becoming a proficient gift giver is an easy language to learn.
Quality TimeIn the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.*
This means giving someone your undivided attention. I don’t mean sitting on the couch watching television together. What I mean is taking a walk, just the two of you, or going out to eat and looking at each other while talking. Time is a strong communicator of love. The love language of quality time has many dialects. One of the most common is that of quality conversation – two individuals sharing their thoughts and feelings. A relationship calls for sympathetic listening with a view to understanding the other person’s desires. We must be willing to give advice, but only when it’s requested and never in a condescending manner. 
Here are some practical listening tips: ❤ Maintain eye contact when your partner is talking.❤ Don’t do something else at the same time.❤ Listen for feelings and confirm them. Ask yourself, “What emotion is my spouse experiencing?”❤ Observe body language.❤ Refuse to interrupt. Such interruptions indicate, “I don’t care what you are saying; listen to me.”❤ Quality conversation also calls for self-revelation. In order for your partner to feel loved, you must reveal some of yourself, too.
If this is your partner’s love language: Ask your partner for a list of five activities that she/he would enjoy doing with you. Make plans to do one of them each month for the next five months.
Acts of ServiceCan vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.*
People who speak this love language seek to please their partners by serving them; to express their love for them by doing things for them. Actions such as cooking a meal, setting a table, washing the dishes, sorting the bills, walking the dog or dealing with landlords are all acts of service. They require thought, planning, time, effort and energy. If done with a positive spirit, they are indeed expressions of love. I’m not saying become a doormat (Links to an external site.) to your partner and do these things out of guilt or resentment. No person should ever be a doormat. Do these things as a lover.
If this is your partner’s love language: What one act of service has your partner nagged you about consistently? Why not decide to see the nag as a tag? Your partner is tagging this particular task as a really important thing to him or her.
 
Physical TouchThis language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.*
Holding hands, kissing, hugging and sex (Links to an external site.) – all of these are lifelines for the person for whom physical touch is the primary love language. With it, they feel secure in their partner’s love. “Love touches” don’t take much time, but they do require a little thought, especially if this isn’t your primary love language or you didn’t grow up in a “touching” family (Links to an external site.). Sitting close to each other as you watch TV requires no additional time, but communicates your love loudly. Touching each other when you leave the house and when you return may involve only a brief kiss, but speaks volumes.