Reviewing a Film (rewrite)

Prompt: Compose an essay about reviewing the film about the Shawshank Redemption(1994), with interpretation of the audio texts in the film based on culture or theory.

Rewrite the essay with the comments provided by the Professor.

Comments From Professor: You composed a film review that included very nice representations of your film: your writing lets readers see and hear the work through your vivid descriptions of it. You also incorporated helpful background information into the beginning of the essay that nicely sets up your questions and claims about the film’s enduring popularity. The claim that the film’s depiction of despair balances the themes of hope and friendship is provocative and made me want to keep reading.
But following this very promising set-up, the essay takes some very strange detours. It is not clear how the research by Zhang helps your analysis. It is not clear how/why the paragraph on the warden’s hypocrisy follows Zhang or how/why the paragraph on the warden leads into the paragraph on Brooks and the concept of institutionalization. It is not clear if you think the film is purposefully celebrating Biblical values or if YOU think the film celebrates Biblical values in spite of the Warden’s obvious religious hypocrisy. Other issues: the in-text citations are often incorrect. There are some issues with word choice and sentence-level clarity of meaning. And the ending reads like a bunch of self-help slogans and quotes from other random films rather than a coherent final judgment of The Shawshank Redemption’s significance. Please see the attached Word doc for further comments on all these issues and a few others.

The link of the movie: